Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Caribbean

So I just got back from a family vacation. A cruise, I am ashamed to say, and even worse, I loved it. The only thing more shameful than going on a cruise is to admit you actually loved it. So, shit, I'm afraid my class-o-meter just dropped a few bars. Anyway, in honor of the past 12 days, I'd like to share the highlights of my "Poorest Islands in the World" adventure with you.
  1. An army officer from South Dakota with a faux-hawk, two pierced nipples, a tattoo of a bulldog, and a tattoo of the grim-reaper holding a bulldog.
  2. Three girls taking shots at 9am before sailing a racing catamaran.
  3. Wrecking a racing catamaran onto a sandbar with said three girls.
  4. Riding on a school bus named "Purple Haze." Yes, the bus was purple.
  5. Seeing drug dogs at every port BUT in Cartagena, Columbia.
  6. Repeatedly being approached to buy cocaine, but only when walking with my parents.
  7. Running on a treadmill at 3 am in a crowed gym while a 12 year-old smoked pot on the deck right outside.
  8. Seeing an old lady fall off the treadmill when she realized it was her grandson.
  9. Seeing a 400 pound drunk man in a speedo break one of the palm trees to which his hammock was tied.
  10. Stripping down to my underwear, wearing a friend's bra, and my mom's heels all to win a bottle of champagne.
  11. Not getting hungover once.
One of my favorite things I have discovered since (mostly) finishing my fall semester is Keep Houston Rich. Normally I'm not super political but I think that this is something really powerful, especially this particular number. I once met Ms. Farb at a prescreening of Matthew Barney's Drawing Restraint 13: The Instrument of Surrender at the MFAH in 2006. Later that summer, my mom acquired a used 80s treadmill from her former home (NOT the John Staub building featured here). When my mom went to pick it up, Carolyn went on forever about the imported Genovese mosaic on the bottom of her pool. This is another reason I want to be dangerously wealthy, pregnant or the totalitarian leader of an Islamic state, so that I can get away with being insane and extravagant.
I have a month left of winter break, so I'm sure that I can accomplish at least two of those aims. For now, I will attempt to find contentment in our humble SoMo Toho.

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