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Tune in at 9pm to see what they have to say about our wonderful home! Write up a brief summary to receive extra credit that will help make up for that test you missed that morning when you had a killer hangover.

25 Things You Must Not Know Bout Me

1. When Jpatt and Sasquatch are asleep, I go in their room and watch them.
2. Mollie and I are starting to deal, and we’re accepting PayPal.
3. I never paid you back for the pink hairspray from the glam rock party
4. And I’m never going to.
5. Jordan Catalano will always have a place in my heart, and no matter what.
6. I had that cute freshman kicked out of the university so that I could ask him out.
7. After our date at Ripcord, he said that he’s not interested in being my twink slave before pickpocketing me and spending $50 at James Coney Island on my parents’ Visa.
8. Nobody should own molasses anyway. It’s weird.
9. The hazelnut handsoap in the downstairs bathroom is actually rancid backwash queso.
10. I seriously didn’t make out with anyone at the Christmas tree decorating party, so STOP giving me that judgmental eye.
11. I did make out with Jamal and Mitch from Dream Phone at the slumber party. I’d had three bellinis!
12. My dad found three champagne corks in the pool pump after New Years.
13. Mallory, it cost $25 to clean the blanket you/Peter/Jackson soiled that night.
14. Sometimes I wonder if there is still a contact stuck in the back of my eye from the Halloween party.
15. I actually do want to go to Dubai, but fear capture by Somalian pirates.
16. I also wish I’d been at the 2008 Iowa State fair and tried the Salad on a Stick.
17. I stole Kim’s purse and blamed it on the neighbors.
18. Just because it was so easy.
19. You forgot a pack of menthols at my house. I smoke about one a week.
20. Your vibrator doesn’t just “smell funny”.
21. I’m actually not all that sterile after all.
22. Glacia and I secretly dated back in October.
23. I bought my LOLcat mask directly off the face of a cashier at Michael's for $10.
24. In retrospect, it was worth $100 in lolz.
25. I’m not sure if I believe in soulmates, but I wouldn’t mind at least trying with a train hopper or Barbara Walters.

Miss Yousef, Do You Like Mermaids?

Apparently there is another party mecca with the title Access. Reads the NYT article:

Ms. Yousef picked up her new language and thinking skills as part of Access, an after school English language program that is a small, almost invisible corner of the United States Department of State’s multibillion-dollar budget . . . Access arrived in Egypt about two years ago and 182 teenagers from all over the country, Christians and Muslims, young men and young women, have graduated from the program. The only requirement is that they come from poor families.

(more here, I totes identified w/ Rizk Massoud's statement)

I know that UniGuaMo is a private institution, where the only requirement is that the students be either Athiests or wayward Jews from upper middle class families, but I would still <3 a few dollars from the Department of State. I think we need to get Hillary, Miss Yousef and probably Mallory (b/c she speaks Spanish) all in a room together to work something out, eh?

LOLercoaster of the Day

A remix of our favorite reporter informing girls: "you have a dick."