Thursday, July 9, 2009

I Want the World to Know

Ok everyone, it's finally time-- I'm coming out of the closet.

And yes, I mean the butt closet.
I went to a medical professional today, as is protocol when one starts questioning one's self [and her butt], and I am ready to let everyone know my big secret. My butt is underdeveloped. That's right, i have a weak butt, which has caused a rift to form between it and my hip and ITband. I'm still grappling with what this means for everyday life and trying to come to terms with my new lifestyle, but hopefully one day I will be 100 percent okay with it. I hope that you all can accept me with this newfound information, but I understand if many of you need some time.

For now I have been advised not to jog or run, as many passerby's will immediately know of my condition. So for the next 4-6 weeks I can be found swimming laps in the party pool in order to hide my shame beneath what is an already tarnished surface.

I will be seeing a specialist for the next 4 weeks in attempts to "re-learn" how to properly conduct myself, and there is hope that I will make a full recovery. I will also be accessing some high-strength medication that I have been advised not to mix with alcohol, as alcohol on its own is likely to allow my true feelings and actions to expose themselves.

I thank you all for your support during this difficult time.

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