Sunday, September 27, 2009

Benevenstanciano and McGillicutty: Attorneys at LOL

Have you been the victim of a recent LOLZ related incident that resulted in pain, mental anguish, and mockery from the Uni staff? Well, we here at Benevenstanciano and McGillicutty are willing to fight for YOU with a frivolous lawsuit so you’ll receive the maximum amount of financial restitution the law allows!

• Have your friends set up a facebook profile of you that has traveled back from the future to warn you not to do whatever you’re about to do? We’ll sue them for harassment and identity theft!

• Have you actually traveled back from the future so you could set up a facebook profile warning you not to do whatever you are about to do? We’ll sue you for harassment and identity theft!

• Was your cell accessed while you were drunk and your friends used it to updated your Twitter saying you got an STD from poultry? We’ll sue for cell phone tresspassery and Turpes medication!

• Did you have to listen to more than three minutes of the Dean of Drama Llama Studies yammer on about her train wreck of a love life? We’ll sue JPatt for crimes against humanity!

• Has all the other Uni staff been making fun of you for being so grody that you snorted crushed up methadone? Well, we rly can’t do anything because that is totes grody as hell…

• Were you tricked into believing one of your friends was arrested for shoving a waitress because she spilled ranch dressing on his pants? We’ll sue so that he’ll really have to get arrested for shoving a waitress because she spilled ranch dressing on his pants!

We here at Benevenstanciano and McGillicutty want to make sure that if you’re the victim of teh LULZ, we’ll file that frivolous lawsuit to show your friends that they can’t ever fuck around with you!

Monday, September 21, 2009

We Can't Afford Models for Our Ad Campaigns

unfortunately this photo only features 3 uni G faculty members (well 2 faculty, 1 staff), but it does have some of our best students, and I believe should perhaps be used in future advertising campaigns. or at least in the course catalog for "trashy 101: how to make sure ur doin it ironically."

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


I don't know why this guy is getting such a bad rap... I mean we can't help it if women approach us 6 to 7 times a day.


did I just discover the joys of peeing out of the second story window of the toho?

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Uni G Book Club

First Assignment: Memoirs of a Beautiful Boy. I say we meet up with bottles of Hyp and discuss in two weeks:

Robert Leleux grew up in a teeny rural town outside of Houston, and the highlight of his week was escaping to Neimans with his wildly eccentric mom to get their hair and nails done. The hilarious Memoirs of a Beautiful Boy chronicles Robert’s eventual coming out and the torture his mom endures to snag a rich husband (from botched lip injections to shaving her scalp for a custom wig).

Friday, September 4, 2009

Pop Quiz - "Blow me awake"

Please write, in whatever format you find appropriate, your thoughts on the concept of Text Message Booty Calls. Points to discuss include when (if ever) this is appropriate, how one should respond, what happens later if one rejects the offer and anything else you have to say on the matter.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Guaranteed Admission to UGMo

As the Fall Semester begins, I know many high school seniors are beginning to prepare their applications for admission to the esteemed University of GuantanaMontrose for next year. I just wanted to provide a quick tip for those who aspire to join our wonderful academic society: Be sure to include evidence of ways in which you embody the spirit and ideals upon which UniG was founded. Here is an example of some precocious young girls who were already hoping to be accepted way back in 2002 before our university was even created:

These girls exhibit their extreme love of queso, which is one of the important criteria for being accepted to UGMo.

Please be sure to complete your applications and submit them for review by the Chancellor and Deans no later than December 15th, 2009. After that date, the entire UniG faculty and staff will be too wasted to know what an application even is. Thank you.