Strip Clubbing 199

Steps for Success:

1. Go on a Tuesday
2. Go to a club with a clever name, like "Teasers"
3. Have 9 beers so that when the "i don't touch you, you don't touch me [with anything but my butt]" rule is broken you are able to handle it
4. Do not intervene when "Sparkle" grabs your [girl] friend's crotch, bites her ear, and licks her face.
5. Pour beer down your own back when Sparkle decides it's your turn for an unsolicited lap dance.
6. Do not protest when Sparkle asks you to spank her.
7. Do not protest when Sparkle asks you to try again because apparently your first attempt wasn't your best work.
8. React positively to her constructive criticism that you "obviously don't know what you're doing."
9. Do not get angry when your friends call Sparkle over and rope you into buying her a drink.
10. Talk to Sparkle about her life goals and how she does real estate on the side.
11. Agree to a private dance on a couch because you assume it is compensation for buying the stripper a drink.
12. Make small talk with Sparkle about DSW shoe warehouse and other fun, wholesome, daytime activities.
13. Get a lap dance to Notorious B.I.G.'s Big Papa, realize the lap dance was $25 and go to the atm at the front while all your friends point and laugh.