Drunk Driving 101

Yourself from the Future says: "Don't make that call"

We Can't Afford Models for Our Ad Campaigns

unfortunately this photo only features 3 uni G faculty members (well 2 faculty, 1 staff), but it does have some of our best students, and I believe should perhaps be used in future advertising campaigns. or at least in the course catalog for "trashy 101: how to make sure ur doin it ironically."

Pop Quiz - "Blow me awake"

Please write, in whatever format you find appropriate, your thoughts on the concept of Text Message Booty Calls. Points to discuss include when (if ever) this is appropriate, how one should respond, what happens later if one rejects the offer and anything else you have to say on the matter.

Guidelines for When to Worry about Faculty and Staff

It's 2am and your fellow faculty member is missing. Do you worry? Do you send them a congratulatory text for probably hooking up with someone in a nearby car or bathroom stall? Do you even bother realizing they are gone? It can be confusing, so here are some guidelines...

Day 1: 2am: don't worry. they're fine
Day 2: 9am: don't bother. they're fine, and they're sleeping
Day 2: 1pm: you can call, but they're still fine and still sleeping
Day 2: 5pm: call to invite them out (it's the polite thing to do), but don't worry, they're probably recovering. Or taking the metro back from katy
Day 2: 11pm: ask others to call them. it's possible that you did something the night before that you dont' remember and thus they aren't taking your call
Day 3: 1pm: call them, but they're probably fine... and hungover from going out without you the night before
Day 3: 5pm: now you can start to worry

These are loose guidelines, and as always please be extra cautious when bodies of water have been involved. When dealing with students, remind yourself to be more prudent and remember they do not have the training and experience many of the faculty and staff do.

From 50 Cent Fridays to $250 Saturdays...

In the Fall, I will be leading a graduate-level seminar course entitled The Shitshow and Other Bad Nights: Advanced Techniques in Being an Epic Trainwreck and I did an extreme amount of hands-on research last night to prepare for what I hope to be really enlightening discussions with some of the University's top graduate students. I'm sure everyone can recall my extensive series about good decisions and bad decisions...it's kind of been a while since I've had any good examples to bring forth, but all of that changed last night. Where do I even begin...?

While most of the UniG community was at a pool party at a satellite facility in OTB, I started my night at what I foolishly assumed would be a fairly lowkey house party designed to save us money because that way we could just spend a little on a handle and mixers instead of running up a tab at the bar. Things were going smoothly enough for a couple of hours but then the handle ran out and we clearly weren't done yet, though apparently we probably should have been. At this point, it is important for me to mention that I do not have ANY memory of the rest of this story until further notice and am only relating these details as they have been told to me...

• We went to Bayou City again. Parked in a spot apparently reserved for the gay store next to the bar, went into the store first, and then the bar.
  
• At some point, I was in contact with the Dean of LULZtography and his chauffeur but I was such a trainwreck already that I became unable to operate my phone and my person and thus received a slew of very angry voicemails.
  
• I also somehow fell on the floor and regained my phone abilities (sort of) to post the following to Twitter:
  
  

  Lola i fellell on there flood. Whooke type I'd meess. Theyafe me bit bot sit on the floor. Qhllte type of mess.

  
  
  For those who don't speak drunkanese, that roughly translates to Lolz I fell on the floor. Whole type of mess. The made me not sit on the floor. Whole type of mess. Apparently bar owners don't like people to sit/lay on the floor of their bars. But he also didn't mind that I stayed at the bar, telling my friends something to the effect of "It's my job to get people wasted, they just can't be on the floor."
  
• I may or may not have vomitted both in the bathroom and outside on the patio. The bartender may or may not have done coke under the bar and then made out with my friend.
  
• Upon exiting the bar, we found that my rental car had been towed. We managed to get a ride with some other people back to the house where our night had started out so (relatively) innocently just a few hours before.
  
• At some point, I decided to pass out for a while on the couch. When I woke up, a girl was sitting on the floor near me and upon seeing I was awake, introduced herself, "Hi, I'm the neighbor and it's almost 6am." This is the first thing I remember since like 11:30 or 12.

As I slowly regained consciousness and became aware of my surroundings, I saw that people were dancing and having a great time while I had been asleep. And there was a chocolate lab sniffing me. Also, one of the bartenders from Guava was there, not one I usally get drinks from, but I recognized him and he me, apparently. He was surprised and impresssed when I said I knew who he was because of the condition I was in but even if I didn't remember the entire night up to that point, I still have a good memory of things outside of when I'm really trashed. I was then informed of the car towing situation and I didn't even really know how to process that at the time, but found my phone in the couch and fired off text to Clay just before my phone lost it's last ounce of battery life. The neighbors left, we called to find out where the car was and then went to sleep around 6:30 in the morning.

I wake up who knows how many hours later and some CD is looping the same song over and over again but I can't manage to get up to deal with it so I just remain on the couch trying to figure out what the fuck to do. Eventually we go to the place to get the car and it's in such a sketchy weird area and we had to wait for the LONGEST train ever to go by and omg it was so awful just trying to get there. But we finally made it and talked to the lady through the little window and I had to go get the rental agreement from the car, but only one person is allowed to go in there where all the cars are, IDEK why, but that's the rule. So I wander in and I'm just like "WTF how am I supposed to find this car out here by myself?" Of course it was all the way in like the farthest area.

From there, the tale does not improve for the better. Absolutely not. The rental agreement is in my mom's name and it doesn't show my name on there anywhere as being an authorized driver of the car even though my mom asked them about that and they said it was fine. So they can't let me have the car. I tried to call the rental company to try to get them to fax something over. Of course the location where the car was from is not open on Sundays, so we tried the main office/corporate number and that was a whole mess of automated menus and whatnot. And for some godforsaken reason, this man was using a jackhammer next to me while I was trying to deal with the phone call and it was really rude. The phone call did not yield positive results and I still couldn't have the car back so we just left and went to the bar, which clearly was the best possible course of action.

Fast forward a bit, my parents get back from Austin and my mom wants to go to try and get the car again. Tow yards are open 24 hours and I suppose this is like the one nice thing about them, because everything else is shitty shitty shitty. We called to find out if they'll let us have the car now but there was another problem with the rental agreement saying I was supposed to return the car on Friday, so my mom and I have to get up and go to the rental place when they open at 7:30am to sort this all out. The cost to get your car back increases at midnight so since we can't get it til the morning, it goes up from $191 to $250...which is a shit ton of money I cannot afford to throw away but it's too late for that.

FUCK MY LIFE.

Field Work

This weekend, a few of UniG's most distinguished faculty decided to do some hands on research in our best fields, most notably: drinking, lulzing, clubbing, and pretend to still be 20. This past weekend several of us made the trip to Austin, managing to take as many different cars as possible. The trip was equally both a success and a failure on about every level, depending on how you want to look it. I know that doesn't even make sense, but neither does the weekend; so by some twist of the Confucian balance, it must even out. I'm still unsure as to what actually happened, both to others and myself, but I figure the comments section of this blog shall serve as some sort of group consciousness/formal record.

In the spirit of the trip, I have outline a few imperatives for any future Austin course syllabus.

Things to do:

1. Have a plan.

2. Use the HOV lane.

3. Buy tubes before getting to New Braunfels.

4. Try and have someone to stay with before you arrive, and also make sure they have a key to their place.

5. Buy lots of alcohol on the drive up just incase the person you are staying with loses their key and you have to wait in the hall for 3 hours until their roommate comes home.

6. Do not drink the water. And do not pay for anything at Whole Foods.

7. Do not let anyone videotape you unless it is a news channel and you are Jtoy and Kathleen on 6th Street.

8. Go to Qua and Rain (and maybe Malaia.) Then anywhere else you can find before all the bars close at 2.

9. Eat at the newly opened downtown El Chile on Congress because they give you two free margaritas since they don't have a liquor license yet.

10. Do not already be drunk when you arrive at El Chile after getting off the river.

11. Sleep with as many people as possible.

All of this happened to the group collectively, other than number 1 of course. However, on our next trip, I propose that each of us make sure that we follow all 11 rigorously.

Faculty (and lowly staff) Gone Wild

In an attempt to catalog the events of last night, I would like to invite everyone- faculty, staff, students, and prospective students- to comment with some of their favorite memories from the event. The intersection of Yarwell and Yarwell was in top form, and I would like to congratulate everyone for making our send-off for visiting-professor Crazy Ol' Pete a success. No less than 2 liters of queso were accessed (lapped up) off a counter, an epic jtoy-jbogart nipple battle took place, two more j's reminded everyone how to properly conduct one's self in the hot tub, mariah carey performed, mascots princess madeleine and jackson might have made a baby, and maullory existed. As an aside, the department of health and safety would like to remind everyone to be aware of pool activities at all times, as beloved faculty members may or may not be being dunked repeatedly and nearly drowned by maullory. They would also like to recommend that everyone use more body control in the future, as excessive grinding may leave many faculty members questioning their sexuality at the end of the night, as well as cause more bashful students to feel alienated. In sum, I hope to speak to all of you in a few days. After you've finished drying out your phone in that bag of rice.

Shenanigans 350: A Slight Concern

As Summer Session B continues on in all its glory, the course Shenanigans 350 seems to be getting high honors at regional debates and competitions. This letter should serve as formal acknowledgement, support, praise and validation for all the faculty members and students involved in the Division of Shenanigans, the specific course Shenanigans 350, and all the necessary research projects and grants involved in the formers' execution.

It seems that between the Bringer of Lulz and myself, Tour Guide Ray, this course has received more grant money than any other department, COMBINED! I'm not quite sure from where these funds are coming (perhaps we applied and received a Fullbright and then forgot about it?), but they are copious and some how seem to launder only to JR's and Guava.

Secondly, I would like to congratulate this course for its vivacious and tenacious dedication to Gay Pride. Not only did the UniG Division of Shenanigans have a faculty member in the parade itself (on a float for what exactly, I'm still unsure?), but two of UniG's most distinguished faculty members, along with two visiting professors, sat on the board of the parade along with Toddicus, some rando, and Roula and Ryan from the 104 KRBE Morning Show! Along with announcing the passing floats, the board members also crawled under "local celebrities" chairs to grab beads, frisbees and t-shirts. These dedicated faculty members get highest honors for their work, and I am sure that their chosen charities will profit greatly from the donations collected at the Parade.

Third, I would like to congratulate myself for not stealing the Chancellor's car last night like I did approximately one annum ago. It took perseverance and self-discipline, but I managed to drive away from the Toho's Trendy, Indie, Hipster Party in my own vehicle.

However, despite all of this great news, a wonderful takeout adventure at Chapultepec, a stop on Club Bridge, and a pleasurable night in the pedestrian friendly Guantanamontrose, I do have one slight concern. I am not sure how the events of last night panned out after 3:44 am when I left the SoMoToHo. I am somewhat concern, for when I left the state of things seemed very dire indeed. Sassy was very upset, and he expressed major concern to me; unfortunately, I had an important appointment with the Dean of Drunk Driving and had to depart before properly consoling him. So, let this serve as the official press release for the SoMoToHoTsunamarama. If any of the inhabits of the ToHo were left standing after the deluge of beer and fatats (faux tats, fake tattoos), please contact the Office of the President to let the university know your whereabouts and current state of being.

Thank you all and keep up the good work!

Sincerely,

Tour Guide Ray 

P.S. Hotel ZaZa will be offering discounted rooms to memebers of the University during the renovation and restoration of a livable SoMoToHo. Rooms have been reduced from "ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?" to "When you think about it, that's only 3 bottles of Grey Goose at the Roxy."

Summer Session C Course Preview

Summer Session B's coursework has proven to be both rigorous and quite satisfying. As a preview to our new class that will be offered next term, "Distressed Twittering," I will recap some potential tweets that could have been submitted during some of our exams over the past two weeks.

June 5th: Summer Session B's Opening Ceremonies OR 1st Night in the PoMo LoHo

• copz are here. where's the #queso?!?!?!
• sitting on a bench outside the gate, got the #queso @estebandice!
• where are @timgregor and @kimdice? and where's the #queso?

June 6th: Actually this is a Dorm Room and Kim is the RA

• @evakelly is on the floor by the #tv-- her thumb's broken. where's my drink?
• headbutted @kimdice in the nose and knocked over the #tv!
• sorry same-cop-from-last-night but we are having a suspenders party. and what happened to the #tv and @kdice's nose??

June Xth: 1st visit to Lola's Depot

• stuck on that crazy island from Lost in 1954! 3 #kamikazes for $5.25... at least there are SOME perks to being stranded with these #trannies!
• 3 #kamikazes divided by 3 = 1 #kamikaze for... shit. where's my calculator?
• #trannies outside, #kamikazes inside...wait, am i tranny?

June 12th: Where's Red Door? OH there's a RED. DOOR.

• wrapped around some man--swingin upside down in the #VIP room. booyah @kimdice
• left my shoes in the #VIP room, where's my #kamikaze!
• left my coordination in the #VIP room. shoe is filled with blood!

June 13th: Kathleen and Jessica actually can't have multiple Blue El Patio Margs and follow it up with ridiculous amounts of sunny D

• by the end of the night ima have @kathleen drunk and throwin #up!
• by the end of the night ima have @jtoy SO FUCKED #UP.
• where's my car? @jtoy and @kathleen are SO FUCKED #UP they won't even answer the door.

June 17th: Guava Lamp OR Now we get a 50% discount at Brisa

• @dennisor is a #geek-ass
• @becs those were twins and you killed them!
• hortencia's on my neck! i need a #kamikaze!

Alert: Don the Cat Judger's Cousin Frequents Poison Girl

Although she is not in Don's immediate family, this girl (we do not know her name unfortunately...or do we?) is still somewhat of a threat to the world of normal conversation. Be vigilante as she might approach you or your friends and attempt to "sell" you to one of her friends. She may also frequently bring up the fact that her "sale" did not work. If caught in the situation there are three steps you must take.

1. Engage her, but continue to talk about her as she stands right next to you, as she will not be aware of any of this.
2. Bring up the subject of drinks (she will offer to buy you some, and this will get you at least 10 minutes of peace to talk more in-depth about how drunk and ridiculous she is)
3. Do not worry about continuing a conversation with her, simply nod your head periodically as you make conversation with your friends and she makes conversation with herself.

As a side note, any successful attempts at trapping this girl underneath the cabbage patch kid statue will result in a semesters-worth scholarship and credit for the class "Bouncing 101: How to get rid of bar peripherals."

Summer Session A Course Proposals

• Blogging 101: Without it, did it happen?
• Karaoke 201: Graduate Level
• LIT 101: The history and art of Long Island Iced Teas
• Drink Specials 201: How to make them happen
  

I Think I'm The New Amtrak...

You guys need to catch up. I seem to be the only one around here who is making any progress thus far at making this summer blog-worthy. After Saturday night's debauchery, I thought everyone understood that all bets were off and the games were to begin, full speed ahead, and all that, but so far, I'm not seeing commitment from your departments.

Meanwhile, I've upped the ante by drinking no less (but quite possibly more) than 5 shots and 5 gin and tonics at Guava Lamp last night, racking up a $57.75 charge on my card, and then proceeding to not remember the end of the night, during which I managed to lose my beloved iPhone. I woke up this morning on a couch in a house that I didn't even remember going to, two hours later than I was supposed to get up to take someone to the airport. With my phone nowhere to be seen, I found two quarters on the desk and ran out of there to a pay phone on the corner of Montrose and Dallas to let the authorities* know that I was, in fact, not dead. It's surprising I was able to find those quarters because the one thing I do remember from the period of time in between being in Guava and waking up was stopping by CVS with an associate to buy a pack of cigarettes...which we paid for entirely with coins. A lot of those coins were pennies. That CVS worker had to have L O V E D us.

There is still a sliiiiiight chance that my phone will come back to me, but in all likelyhood, it would appear that the official University of GuantanaMontrose Register of Items Lost, Stolen, Broken or Otherwise Rendered Inaccessible has claimed its first victim for Summer 2009.

*By authorities, I mean my mom. She was definitely in full worried/panic mode. I honestly can't say I blame her. Sorry, Mom.

EDIT 9:20pm: FOUND MY IPHONE!! ALL IS NOT LOST! But I still win at being a trainwreck so far...though tonight is a new night.

A New Era for UGMo

Last night marked the beginning of what I assume will rapidly become the next insane chapter in the lives of the UGMo community. Guest Lecturer Mal has returned from her semester doing research on International Relations in Spain and soon Tour Guide Ray, Dean JToy and many others will be arriving in the 'trose as well. I predict things will soon escalate to a whole new level. What the hell am I talking about, things have already escalated. Armed with a bottle of Jack Daniels (always a dangerous situation for me...), I unintentionally wreaked havoc on my own life and likely those of my fellow faculty members. I'm not prepared to divulge the full extent of my actions in this public forum, but we'll leave it at the fact that it was yet another night that I should not have left the SoMoToHo. No stop signs or cops were involved this time, thankfully, but I really need to learn to listen when Prof. Tim attempts to remove liquor from my possession. With my history, I wouldn't be surprised if others also tried to protect me from myself, but at the same time, I can't remember it if they did...

Future Uni G Campus Party

So after 5 nights of ridiculousness that rival winter recess, I finally forced myself to take a nap today. It took me hours to fall asleep despite the fact that i was ridiculously sleepy because i think may have actual health problems related to my leisure activities. In the dream (trippiest dream of my life. also included me watching a "live feed" of myself.) there was a surprise UGMo block party that hallie had thrown us, and I will now describe what we need to do in order to access that in real life.

1. Make a 20ft x 100ft billboard kite that has freeway exits and street signs that relate to montrose.
2. Attach it to a spool of string that stands 4 feet tall so that it will go high enough for the whole city to see.
3. Throw the giant spool in the air and down the street to surprise everyone and get the party started.
4. Have piggyback ride races where people bend down. so really it's like a horse race kind of thing, except you are latched onto the person's back.
   
5. Get multiple versions of this kind of thing with weird indescribable creatures instead of dragons.
6. Baby pools. everywhere. most likely filled with vodka.
   
7. Get shutdown by apartment complex property managers.

I wish I remembered more, but this certainly seems like a good start. End of term party planning committee unite!

Term Papers: Impending Doom or Happy Hour in the Model Home?

So my housemate, the every wonderful Princess Bitchette, and I have decided that our term papers (due in approx. 24 hours) are actually not that large of a priority. I have written a 3 page outline that I do not understand, and I have bullshitted two of the twenty pages. Here is my thesis:

"A primary occupation of the novel is the conflict between oral and literary practice and tradition, and the author’s insecurities highlight not only the difficulty of mediating two vastly different traditions of storytelling, but also the greater cultural difficulties that Chamoiseau’s authorial conflict allegorizes."

Anyway, this paper is clearly of high importance, and out of respect for my academic success, I decided I needed to take a break and refuel. Incidentally, Princess Bitchette simultaneously felt a scholarly break was needed. We set down our lappies and rendez-voused in the kitchen. What follows is more or less what took place:

Fig. 1. That is our "alcohol map." 

As Bichette and I snacked in the kitchen, we both realized that in less than a week we would be graduating, moving out, and leaving this chapter of our lives behind. There was clearly work to be done, and priority 1A was making sure that no child bottle of alcohol was left behind! We quickly mapped all the possible cocktail combinations, using a bottle of water as a stand-in for our vodka. The speed and alacrity with which this task was accomplished was truly astonishing, and UniGuantanamontrose has clearly taught me skills much greater than writing papers. An hour after the beginning of my "deserved break" and I am already tipsy from a concoction of Parfait Amour, Blue Curacao, Triple Sec, Contreau and Vodka. We're working our way through flavor groups, and orange seemed like the best fit. Anyway, I now have a mild headache, and even less drive to finish this paper.

Some habits die hard.

Thank you, UniG, you've taught me well!

Good Decisions vs. Bad Decisions from the Dean

• Good decision: drinking 16 individual bottles of sunny D with a shot of vodka in each over a 5hr period of time
• Good decision: following this up with illegal substances and a fun-sized white chocolate kit-kat
• Good decision: befriending a nice guy with a tazmanian devil sweatshirt on, accessing tall-boys, and making your way to an off-campus establishment
• Bad decision: changing plans mid-drive and going to taz's house. that ends up being a t-hut.
• Good decision: getting up and leaving, buying a jar of tostito's queso and a bag of tostito's at the gas station, and going home to eat it

The Reverseaverse Lives On

Some more Reverseaverse:

Monorail Jtoy meets:

Monorail Kendra (Girls Next Door).

Also:

-And-

Amy Winehouse... or Mal/me on a bad day?

Strip Clubbing 199

Steps for Success:

1. Go on a Tuesday
2. Go to a club with a clever name, like "Teasers"
3. Have 9 beers so that when the "i don't touch you, you don't touch me [with anything but my butt]" rule is broken you are able to handle it
4. Do not intervene when "Sparkle" grabs your [girl] friend's crotch, bites her ear, and licks her face.
5. Pour beer down your own back when Sparkle decides it's your turn for an unsolicited lap dance.
6. Do not protest when Sparkle asks you to spank her.
7. Do not protest when Sparkle asks you to try again because apparently your first attempt wasn't your best work.
8. React positively to her constructive criticism that you "obviously don't know what you're doing."
9. Do not get angry when your friends call Sparkle over and rope you into buying her a drink.
10. Talk to Sparkle about her life goals and how she does real estate on the side.
11. Agree to a private dance on a couch because you assume it is compensation for buying the stripper a drink.
12. Make small talk with Sparkle about DSW shoe warehouse and other fun, wholesome, daytime activities.
13. Get a lap dance to Notorious B.I.G.'s Big Papa, realize the lap dance was $25 and go to the atm at the front while all your friends point and laugh.

Decisions II: Decisions Harder

While all UGMo faculty and staff members tend to have their moments that lend themselves to discussion for Decisions 101: Good vs. Bad, Yours vs. Others', I think Tour Guide Ray and I may take the cake because our episodes tend to happen simultaneously or in quick succession (see his post just prior to this one and recall the events of January 2-4 for examples). We also tend to be more self-critical in the aftermath of these events, which shows our in depth understanding of the concept.

That said, I shall begin my lecture on the decisions involved in my life last night...

Good decision: Accept invitation to join your neighbors (an older couple of gay men) for a drink later when one of them strikes up a conversation with you by your car as you are leaving for the store.

Good decision: Present yourself as charming and interesting and wonderful so that your neighbors really like you and wish to become friends immediately.

Could be good, could be bad decision: Consume a large portion of the 3 liters of White Zinfandel on hand and become rather intoxicated (though you've certainly been much drunker before).

Bad decision: After the older, more conservative one of the pair goes to bed because he has work in the morning, stay and continue to drink with the other one, who initially invited you over. This in itself is not really a bad decision, but the red flags should rise when your companion tells you that he's not gay, he's actually bisexual and that he thinks you're really beautiful...

Bad decision: Drunkenly allow yourself to consider this an okay situation and therefore allow the drunk bi man (whose boyfriend of almost 5 years is in the next room) to kiss you. He says the boyfriend doesn't mind, but how can you really know if that's true?

Bad decision: Allow the kissing to escalate to srs bzns making out.

Good decision (Hey, how'd that sneak in there? That wine must be wearing off or something!): Finally put an end to this situation by stating that you are really tired (it is after 4am by this point so this is legit and not just an excuse) and make an escape to your own place.

Not really a decision at all: Have 8 months left on your lease so you'll likely be seeing these neighbors again soon and frequently.

Sasquatch made me do it!

I woke up this morning still wearing my shoes, sweater, and pants. I did make it home and into my bed, and I did manage to not throw up in my sleep, but I did leave the light on. I wonder how many fish I killed? Is it just here in Oregon, or do they have those "Save the fish. Turn off the light" stickers everywhere?

Anyway, in lieu of last night, I've decided UniG will be offering a course on peer pressure and the various ways to deal with it in the spring quarter.

Just to demonstrate the dire need of this course, I will list the various things I did not want to do last night, but did anyway because of mob mentality:

1. Chugged and finished a tall boy. 3 various times. At the command of an utter stranger.
2. Left a party for a cigarette, but ended up in a moving vehicle on the way to a pub-crawl. With someone I actually vehemently despise.
3. Bought jell-O shots for 10 people. I mean, a bar that sells jell-O shots? That in it self is a bizarre sort of peer (or rather bar) pressure.
4. Smoked an entire pack of cigarettes. I swear, Mal, I do not know how you do it! Because the only people I liked at said Jello-O shot bar/various other venues of the night would leave the bar to go outside, thereby forcing me to follow them or sit alone with people I either do not like, or do not know (ie also do not like.)
5. Partially stripped on an air-hockey table. Tim and Jtoy, where was Amber when I needed her?
6. Chugged a handle of Jameson for exactly one minute while a room of 13 people cheered for me. I mean, being congratulated for getting drunk, YES PLEASE!

None of these activities were planned, and looking back in retrospect I realize that I didn't even particularly want to do any of them. All of this was enforced or elicited by others. So, as part of my collegiate development, I'd like guidance on the intricacies of making not only good v. bad decisions, but choosing my own v. others'.