Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Studying Abroad

In addition to Dean Jtoy's list of courses for this coming quarter, I'd also like to propose a Study Abroad option. This idea came upon me when one of UG's prized students sent me this instant message from Sevilla a few minutes ago:

"haha. so i just fucked a guy and he's sitting right here. but he's spanish, so he has no idea what i'm writing!! haha!
gotta go now. just wanted to tell someone. love ya mucho mucho mucho!!!!!!"

Not only does this comment prove that someone has already begun her work on the catalogue of courses listed by Dean Jtoy, but it also demonstrates the dire need for us all to go to Spain (or anywhere but here) and get laid. In the wish of finding our own "Spring Awakening," I would like to list the possible study abroad options that lay before us. We may not all be able to go to Cabo for Spring Break with everyone and their mother in a sombrero, but we can at least find a way to go on vacation indefinitely while our parents or schools pay for it. On that note, here are some of the possibilities I am pleased to announce are available for students and faculty at the University of Guantanamontrose.
  1. Shrooming in Hermann Park with friends visiting from Austin.
  2. Cruising at the Bark Park with Professor Tim.
  3. Getting black out and fucking in a pick-up truck bed with commentary by Mal via webcam.
  4. Tubing down Buffalo Bayou with the Bringer of Lulz.
  5. Living vicariously through Tour Guide Ray and Chancellor Steven's european and Thailand facebook albums.
  6. Exploring the room of bathtubs through the midget door at Notsuoh's with Avsters.
  7. Visiting Adam and Patrick in Austin for SXSW.
  8. Stealing a plane and flying to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Oh wait, too late...
  9. Stealing a plane and flying to Duke to visit Jtoy.
  10. Hijacking one of those rockets on display at NASA and flying on it to the moon. Or maybe just Seville...
  11. Selling Sasquatch (or the pink, sparkled, assless chaps Justin stole from me because he's clearly sexually frustrated and in the closet) and using the money to visit Evelyn B in Amsterdammy.
  12. Yarwell and yarwell.
Applications are due by March 31st (a special someone's birthday;) so start your essays!


  1. It’s fairly interesting how you regularly attempt to tease and upset me by questioning my sexuality. That’s the same sort of technique used by the stereotypical homophobic, high school jock. Most psychologists would argue that such tactics are employed by self-hating homosexuals. What’s wrong Ray? There a little piece of you deep-down inside that yearns to be a big, tuff, manly man who kisses girls?

    I also find it amusing that I ROFL JPatt, Tim, Steven, and everyone else much worse than I do you and they’re all able to take it. But, one or two little cracks about you and Crybaby Ray starts to BWAAAAAA! all over the place. Take it like champ or gtfo.

    Finally, the best you can do to snark me is to say I’m gay? I mean, I can’t eat solid food… I’m 26, unemployed, living at home, and still an undergrad… You have so much to work with and you go for calling me a closet case? If you have your heart set on making gay jokes about me, could you at least try to make them funny? I always thought JPatt was the weakest link of LULZ in the Uni, but it’s you.

  2. LOL. i think it's fairly interesting that you for some reason think you are "regularly" teased by ray when i'm pretty sure this is only his second dig at you, and is obviously only out of retaliation to what you've said to him (who made up the sparkle chaps?). also, you should probs enroll in Uni GMo's new conveying emotions and telling jokes over the internet course because most of your "jokes" usually come off as more mean than funny.

    i'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt though and assume this long and dramatic comment is just "for the lulz." i actually was laughing out loud, so good job!

  3. p.s. miss mincberg is quite definitely going to graduate with honors. i would be more than willing to write her a recommendation for a fulbright so that she can continue her very meaningful research after graduation

  4. “i'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt though and assume this long and dramatic comment is just "for the lulz."

    Sssssssshutup! Here I am trying to begin the holy month Dramadan & kick some life back into teh blog and you’re there with your false idol of “benefit of the doubt”. Well, I’m glad you didn’t try to stand up at all for JPatt being the weakest LULZ link; maybe she and I will ride the Drama Llama a bit.

    And, yes, while RayRay has only taken two swipes at me here, for sometime now I’ve been told of his repeated claims that I’m ‘sexually frustrated and in the closet.’ *yawn* Where is teh funny? This was actually what sparked Assless Chaps-Gate.

    And, of course my jokes are mean. The very essence of LULZ is being a heartless bastard filled with schadenfreude.

  5. ok i'm bored of this. and for the record, i would've said something about the jpatt thing, but i was trying not to create any more drama (or should i say kick some life back into the blog?) and just assume it was an example of a "ROFL JPatt"

  6. omg omg I am not the weakest link! You aren't even a founding member, how dare you question my standing in the UGMo!


    p.s. sas has an STD and so will you after he's done with you.

  7. omg, i'm bored of this. and for the record, sas fucking loves moi. I give him mojitos and weed, I’m basically his wacky uncle. also, i’d like to nominate JToy as dean of the unconventional orthography dept and just assume this was an example of “ROFL JToy”

  8. Wow, is everyone PMSing today or what? Jesus Christ.

  9. Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her butt.
    It is so big. *scoff* She looks like,
    one of those rap guys' girlfriends.
    But, you know, who understands those rap guys? *scoff*
    They only talk to her, because,
    she looks like a total prostitute, 'kay?
    I mean, her butt, is just so big.
    I can't believe it's just so round, it's like,
    out there, I mean - gross. Look!
    She's just so ... black!