Studying Abroad

In addition to Dean Jtoy's list of courses for this coming quarter, I'd also like to propose a Study Abroad option. This idea came upon me when one of UG's prized students sent me this instant message from Sevilla a few minutes ago:

"haha. so i just fucked a guy and he's sitting right here. but he's spanish, so he has no idea what i'm writing!! haha!
gotta go now. just wanted to tell someone. love ya mucho mucho mucho!!!!!!"

Not only does this comment prove that someone has already begun her work on the catalogue of courses listed by Dean Jtoy, but it also demonstrates the dire need for us all to go to Spain (or anywhere but here) and get laid. In the wish of finding our own "Spring Awakening," I would like to list the possible study abroad options that lay before us. We may not all be able to go to Cabo for Spring Break with everyone and their mother in a sombrero, but we can at least find a way to go on vacation indefinitely while our parents or schools pay for it. On that note, here are some of the possibilities I am pleased to announce are available for students and faculty at the University of Guantanamontrose.

1. Shrooming in Hermann Park with friends visiting from Austin.
2. Cruising at the Bark Park with Professor Tim.
3. Getting black out and fucking in a pick-up truck bed with commentary by Mal via webcam.
4. Tubing down Buffalo Bayou with the Bringer of Lulz.
5. Living vicariously through Tour Guide Ray and Chancellor Steven's european and Thailand facebook albums.
6. Exploring the room of bathtubs through the midget door at Notsuoh's with Avsters.
7. Visiting Adam and Patrick in Austin for SXSW.
8. Stealing a plane and flying to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Oh wait, too late...
9. Stealing a plane and flying to Duke to visit Jtoy.
10. Hijacking one of those rockets on display at NASA and flying on it to the moon. Or maybe just Seville...
11. Selling Sasquatch (or the pink, sparkled, assless chaps Justin stole from me because he's clearly sexually frustrated and in the closet) and using the money to visit Evelyn B in Amsterdammy.
12. Yarwell and yarwell.

Applications are due by March 31st (a special someone's birthday;) so start your essays!

25 Things You Must Not Know Bout Me

1. When Jpatt and Sasquatch are asleep, I go in their room and watch them.
2. Mollie and I are starting to deal, and we’re accepting PayPal.
3. I never paid you back for the pink hairspray from the glam rock party
4. And I’m never going to.
5. Jordan Catalano will always have a place in my heart, and no matter what.
6. I had that cute freshman kicked out of the university so that I could ask him out.
7. After our date at Ripcord, he said that he’s not interested in being my twink slave before pickpocketing me and spending $50 at James Coney Island on my parents’ Visa.
8. Nobody should own molasses anyway. It’s weird.
9. The hazelnut handsoap in the downstairs bathroom is actually rancid backwash queso.
10. I seriously didn’t make out with anyone at the Christmas tree decorating party, so STOP giving me that judgmental eye.
11. I did make out with Jamal and Mitch from Dream Phone at the slumber party. I’d had three bellinis!
12. My dad found three champagne corks in the pool pump after New Years.
13. Mallory, it cost $25 to clean the blanket you/Peter/Jackson soiled that night.
14. Sometimes I wonder if there is still a contact stuck in the back of my eye from the Halloween party.
15. I actually do want to go to Dubai, but fear capture by Somalian pirates.
16. I also wish I’d been at the 2008 Iowa State fair and tried the Salad on a Stick.
17. I stole Kim’s purse and blamed it on the neighbors.
18. Just because it was so easy.
19. You forgot a pack of menthols at my house. I smoke about one a week.
20. Your vibrator doesn’t just “smell funny”.
21. I’m actually not all that sterile after all.
22. Glacia and I secretly dated back in October.
23. I bought my LOLcat mask directly off the face of a cashier at Michael's for $10.
24. In retrospect, it was worth $100 in lolz.
25. I’m not sure if I believe in soulmates, but I wouldn’t mind at least trying with a train hopper or Barbara Walters.

If the Obamas get to have Blackberries

...then I want a Pomegranate Phone!
It looks so versatile! I could see any of the faculty using it during class presentations, to get out of language barriers in Dubai, or even for simple distraction while others splash around in the hot tub. I hear that Pomegranate 2.0 will feature an Emergen-C/vodka mixing function, so we'll have more time to watch "Bring it On" marathons and read about guys JPatt thinks are cute on her personal blog.

Global Express

According to our sitemeter, we have a reader in Dubai!!

Just thought y'all should know.

Also, I just wanted to ask our reader in Dubai to please not hate me for pointing out the hypocrisy of his/her/this mermaid's land. I do not hate you as an individual; I just think your country (or rather unjust/undemocratic/suppressive kingdom) is a horrible hypocritical cauldron of sin. Anyway, enjoy your indoor, energy-sucking ski-slope  and shit.

Dubai

When I came home from step aerobics this evening I overheard Ray say something about Dubai. I google imaged that shit, and OH MY GOD LET'S GO THERE!

I'm not really sure where/what it is, but let's fucking go!




omgz!

I think I read an US Weekly article about this place. (Did J-Anniston go there? Probs. She goes everywhere cool.) From what I gathered it's all the hedonism and glitz of Vegas with shiny, cray-cray architecture and beaches beaches BEACHES! Do you see the shore line? Look at that first picture again.

*sigh*

It's too bad that Australia is so far away.

Fuck Dubai

I hate Dubai. It is the most disgusting place on Earth. Any city that submits to a culture that oppresses women, gays, poor people and simultaneously harbors terrorist capital should not be making a living on the most ornate and ostentatious development of sin and pleasure since Las Vegas. Where on Earth is all their money coming from? I know it's not oil (only 6% of GDP according to Wiki;) so clearly, it's from terrorists. Am I the only one who sees this? They're sucking Westerners in to gamble, drink, and fuck prostitutes; then they allow and even support organizations that later will fly jet liners into our office buildings. 

Why the fuck do you need to go to Dubai? To see a flat desert that's been drained of oil? To shop at the biggest Prada store in the world? To go fucking skiing?! I do not get it. Dubai sucks!!! I'm so angry right now!!!

GRRRRRR!!!

done.

I was tagging various labels to this post when I realized that maybe Dubai isn't so bad... I mean, I basically can tag any label to this post because Dubai is so fucking redic. that it works. Ugh. I lose...