Do you want to smell my memories?

After briefly accessing a somewhat mediocre party thrown by students of a rival university, we retired to the SoMoToHo. We ranged from the completely sober to the so-wasted-I'll-just-pass-out-in-this-car. More drinks were had by some and things seemed to be going along as usual until suddenly everyone else went to bed or were otherwise engaged somehow, leaving the Dean of LULZtography and myself to entertain some very odd fellows. Entertain is not so much the correct word. Maybe something more along the lines of "suffer through hours of conversation with because they would not leave." We employed many methods to try to give these people a clue that they could go now, including, but not limited to, discussing the Ol' Straw Penis and developing a ridiculous lie about a family of snake handlers in Tennessee. Our best efforts were shot down and we suffered on, each at least thankful for the other's presence so we didn't have to go it alone. I'm all for meeting people and making new friends but there are some who are just N.Q.O.K. and should not be allowed to waste the time of P.L.U. One of the guys may have not been aware that Barack Obama is now the president of the United States. The other may have not been aware that it is not actually 1995 anymore and that we weren't casting for an Office Space sequel. Needless to say, these two will NOT be offered admission to the university and if they attempt to access our parties again, the University Police may have to be called to remove them from the premises. 

At least they weren't hipsters though.

Alternative mascot

With debate still raging between the bitterly divided factions of those who favor a dancing bear and those who desire an anthropomorphic bacon-pope, the university is still lacking a mascot. Perhaps a solution can be found with the suggestion of an alternative mascot. In this case, a dog howling along to the Law and Order theme song:







When considering this mascot, not only must we factor in that the Law and Order theme song is pretty much the pinnacle of musical achievement, but also the various other applications of our mascot. A dog would be able to:

1) Protect vodka from hipsters
2) Chase off dudes wanting a threesome
3) Fetch beer so you won’t have to lie to frat boys about being a diabetic with bad circulation so they will get beer for you
4) Pretend to be your seeing eye dog for when you barge into the wrong apartment, use a strangers bathroom, and then demand beer from the stranger. Blind people can get away with stuff like that.