Sunday, January 18, 2009

Alternative mascot

With debate still raging between the bitterly divided factions of those who favor a dancing bear and those who desire an anthropomorphic bacon-pope, the university is still lacking a mascot. Perhaps a solution can be found with the suggestion of an alternative mascot. In this case, a dog howling along to the Law and Order theme song:

When considering this mascot, not only must we factor in that the Law and Order theme song is pretty much the pinnacle of musical achievement, but also the various other applications of our mascot. A dog would be able to:

1) Protect vodka from hipsters
2) Chase off dudes wanting a threesome
3) Fetch beer so you won’t have to lie to frat boys about being a diabetic with bad circulation so they will get beer for you
4) Pretend to be your seeing eye dog for when you barge into the wrong apartment, use a strangers bathroom, and then demand beer from the stranger. Blind people can get away with stuff like that.

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