Showing posts with label Underage Girls. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Underage Girls. Show all posts

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Guaranteed Admission to UGMo

As the Fall Semester begins, I know many high school seniors are beginning to prepare their applications for admission to the esteemed University of GuantanaMontrose for next year. I just wanted to provide a quick tip for those who aspire to join our wonderful academic society: Be sure to include evidence of ways in which you embody the spirit and ideals upon which UniG was founded. Here is an example of some precocious young girls who were already hoping to be accepted way back in 2002 before our university was even created:


These girls exhibit their extreme love of queso, which is one of the important criteria for being accepted to UGMo.



Please be sure to complete your applications and submit them for review by the Chancellor and Deans no later than December 15th, 2009. After that date, the entire UniG faculty and staff will be too wasted to know what an application even is. Thank you.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Re: On-Campus Drinking

The University's student pub/nightclub, ACCESS, offers a more legitimate alternative to the underground substance-infused scene at Club Bridge. The "Rosetta Stone" will serve as the signature cocktail at Access. Clearly Campari will hold centerstage:


Rosetta Stone

1 1/2 oz Campari
1/2 oz creme de cassis
2 oz club soda
1.57 ice cubes
blood orange wedge

Serve in highball glass.

If serving to underage girls, add 4 oz peach shnapps. Girls love peach schnapps.