PSA: One Way Alcoholism Might Be A Good Thing

The University Health Department issues the following announcement: 

In light of recent events and with a general interest in the well-being of the University community in mind, a discourse has been initiated with researchers at other institutions regarding the effects of alcohol consumption on conception. This communication has yielded some interesting results. Excessive alcohol consumption by all parties involved, while often the cause of the problem in the first place, tends to lead to a greatly reduced possibility of actually creating a baby. Strange as it may seem, it appears that alcohol is actually a very dangerous toxin.

One source claims that results from a study show an intake of more than 10 drinks per week to significantly increase the likelyhood of spontaneous abortion, if there even is anything there to be aborted. Now, most of our esteemed faculty members are known to consume alcohol more at a rate of 10 drinks per night, so it would seem that we really have very little to worry about. Nevertheless, we still encourage everyone to be as careful as possible, but in the event that you are unable to catch the condoms being thrown to you through the window or you are too drunk to remember what a condom even is, just remember to chug a handle of your preferred liquor the next day and everything will probably be just fine.

Follow the LULZ brick road...

It was recently pointed out by a member of our student body that the esteemed head of the Drama Llama dept, JPatt, bears a strikingly witch-like appearance. Intrigued by this theory I rushed to the Uni science facilities and began investigating. After hours of strenuous research, i.e. trying to read A Brief History of Time, deciding it was hella lame, getting really high, and watching Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey, I came to the startling conclusion that JPatt is the Reverseaverse of The Wicked Witch of the West from the Wizard of OZ. Consider this visual evidence:


There is also the fact that both are surrounded by hairy minions; flying monkeys for the Wicked Witch, mustachioed hipster douches for JPatt. However, the subtleties of the Reverseaverse are revealed when comparing these two groups of minions; the flying monkeys have far better taste in music, with their “Oh-ee-oh, Oh-ww-oooooooh” chant, and have better taste in women than to want to sleep with their master, unlike said mustachioed hipster douches who wish to bang JPatt. Fascinating.

The ramifications of this particular example of the theory of the Reverseaverse are world shaking, in that it proves a person from our “real” world is actually the Reverseaverse of a character from a fictional world. Truly astounding…

Reverseaverse strikes again

This weekend I had the honor of meeting Hallie's bestie Clay.

He is a co-founder (or THE founder?) of the theory of Reverseaverse.

It seems I may have found him in Reverseaverse. If Clay were straight and did jujitsu, this is what he would look like.

JPatt tries Reverseaverse

In my support of the advanced physics theory of Reverseaverse, I show you pet bunny Sasquatch is a Nazi in cartoon Reverseaverse:

See, this is him in Reverseaverse because in real life Sas lurvs Chancellor Steven and also luuurves the gays. A Nazi bunny, however...


And the Director of Lulztography taking lulzy photos at the SoMoToHo:


...becomes this in Reverseaverse:

Hmm it turns out that neither Mal nor our cherished Director of Lulztography change very much in Reverseaverse. Interesting. I will point out some subtle differences. First, Justin would never drink wine from the glass. Glasses are for sissies. This is obvi how we do it in Guantamontrose. Secondly, Justin doesn't own leather shoes. In fact, I think his Converse All Stars may be permanently attached to his feet. You know, the canvas and skin just kinda grew together after a while and... gross. Third, Justin wouldn't be caught dead in baggy black pants with a hole in them. No, no, he opts for ironic tight white pants from Turkey.

Wake n' Bacon

I promise an automatic conferral of a PhD in Bacon Engineering to anyone who can successfully replicate or access this invention and delivers it to me for my birthday:

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