Wednesday, May 20, 2009

A Proposal for a (Slightly) Safe Summer

As each day brings us closer to having the complete Uni crew reunited, it has become apparent that the shitshow of Winter Term will soon become a distant memory. Summer Sessions A-D will undoubtedly be an even bigger mess, but also even more fun! However, as the University's official liasion to HPD, I have taken it upon myself to ensure that no one ends up dead or incarcerated because of a driving mishap. (Because there's no way everyone can be as lucky as I was...)

My proposal involves the following:

Fig. 1: The Easter Bunny.

Fig. 2: Car keys.

Fig. 3: Sasquatch.

Here's how it works:
1. The Easter Bunny hides eggs.
2. All UGMo members have car keys and should not access them after entering the ToHo, thus the keys should be hidden.
3. Sasquatch is also a bunny, he lives in the ToHo, he (usually) doesn't drink, and he's pretty good at hiding things, including himself.
Q.E.D. Sasquatch must hide all car keys to protect us.

Dean J. Toy and I briefly discussed the importance of hiding keys and we decided that once the keys are hidden, we must all just access things by walking to them. Conveniently, Club Bridge is easily in walking distance and it has been rather neglected of late, so this is an ideal solution. Other access points in reasonable walking distance: CVS, Chapultapec, Hotel ZaZa, the MFAH and CAMH. Less reasonable destinations: The Cellar, Rich's, Yarwell and Yarwell.


  1. should we go ahead and make a schedule for the following nights and days? friday obviously will be the cellar and probaby chapultapec, but what lies before us the other nights? and in what order?

  2. haha, yes, that method has worked before, but i feel like it wouldn't really stop me...i would just be like "oh, they're in the freezer" and get them out. then again, i apparently did a really good job of hiding my phone from myself last night so...and on that note, maybe hiding my keys isn't even an issue since i probably need to go on a little sober vacation for a bit...

  3. if my memory serves me right, some uni g members have definitely accessed walking when coming to and/or from the cellar...

  4. yes, indeed. i was making a subtle reference to that fact.