New Course Proposal

I would like to propose a new course to be taught in the UGMo Art
Department: Clever and Offensive Graphic Design. I will request that
the Drama Llama do a guest lecture series. Enrollment will be based on
a review of the students' aptitude for creating and appreciating teh
LULZ.

Miss Yousef, Do You Like Mermaids?

Apparently there is another party mecca with the title Access. Reads the NYT article:

Ms. Yousef picked up her new language and thinking skills as part of Access, an after school English language program that is a small, almost invisible corner of the United States Department of State’s multibillion-dollar budget . . . Access arrived in Egypt about two years ago and 182 teenagers from all over the country, Christians and Muslims, young men and young women, have graduated from the program. The only requirement is that they come from poor families.

(more here, I totes identified w/ Rizk Massoud's statement)

I know that UniGuaMo is a private institution, where the only requirement is that the students be either Athiests or wayward Jews from upper middle class families, but I would still <3 a few dollars from the Department of State. I think we need to get Hillary, Miss Yousef and probably Mallory (b/c she speaks Spanish) all in a room together to work something out, eh?

Final Review

As the optional inaugural Winter Term of UniGuantanaMontrose draws to a close, I thought it appropriate that we have a little review session before the final exam. Use these study questions to help prepare yourself for the test, which will be taking place on Friday, January 23, 2009.

1. Approximately how much time must pass after a group of gay men enters a hot tub before one of them gets naked and encourages the rest to do the same? Discuss the results of this action.

2. Describe the appropriate way to behave in the following situations: 

a. When at RICH'S to see LA's celebrity DJ Samantha Ronson.

b. When at Chapultapec and want to be served alcohol after 2am.

c. When you've had too much to drink and want to leave the party.

3. Choose three of these UGMo hangouts to compare and contrast: Poison Girl, Ernie's, Club Bridge, Boondocks, The Cellar, Guava Lamp, Boheme.

4. Write a sentence or two to explain the importance of each of these people (or groups):

a. Adam

b. Mel

c. Peter Marks

d. Bill

e. The Cops

f. Hipsters

g. The bartender from The Cellar

h. The girl from Kenya

i. SHSGs

j. The bartender from JR's

5. Create a hypothesis regarding how many nights in a row it is possible for a group of 20-somethings to get completely wasted, stay up til 3-4-5-6-7am, hook up with randoms, get cars and other property lost/stolen/towed/wrecked, eat gallons of queso, write about it all on a blog, and somehow still avoid death.

Good luck, students! I hope you have a successful end of the term and are ready to start fresh in the Spring 2009 semester. 

Fuck Dubai

I hate Dubai. It is the most disgusting place on Earth. Any city that submits to a culture that oppresses women, gays, poor people and simultaneously harbors terrorist capital should not be making a living on the most ornate and ostentatious development of sin and pleasure since Las Vegas. Where on Earth is all their money coming from? I know it's not oil (only 6% of GDP according to Wiki;) so clearly, it's from terrorists. Am I the only one who sees this? They're sucking Westerners in to gamble, drink, and fuck prostitutes; then they allow and even support organizations that later will fly jet liners into our office buildings. 

Why the fuck do you need to go to Dubai? To see a flat desert that's been drained of oil? To shop at the biggest Prada store in the world? To go fucking skiing?! I do not get it. Dubai sucks!!! I'm so angry right now!!!

GRRRRRR!!!

done.

I was tagging various labels to this post when I realized that maybe Dubai isn't so bad... I mean, I basically can tag any label to this post because Dubai is so fucking redic. that it works. Ugh. I lose...

Benelux? More like BeneLIARS (or BeneSUX, wdek, Jpatt and I can't decide and Ray hates both titles)

Okay soo Benelux (Belgium, Netherlands, Luxembourg) has a population of 27,598,666. The Netherlands has 16,440,113 people. So Uni Guantanamontrose wants to know how it is possible that the Netherlands' largest city, Amsterdam, has such a small population of 747,290, yet the nation still manages to boast millions more. True, other large cities exist: Rotterdam, the Hague and Utrecht, along with Amsterdam, form the Randstad, which according to the Amsterdammy wiki article, has 7 million inhabitants, but is cited to have a population of 7.5 on the self-titled Randstad page. Um sorry but there are not 10 million rural Dutch people just hanging out in windmills and smoking dank pot. The Randstad just becomes more and more shady! See: when other "conurbations" (SO not a word PS) connected to this area are also taken into consideration, it would have a population a little over 10 million, almost 2/3 of the entire Dutch population. I really don't know who to believe. Uni Guantamontrose realizes that the Netherlands is a peace-loving low-lying nether region (and our personal fav continent) and our biggest enemies are terrorist states, but still... just be honest guys.

One of my favorite things I have discovered since (mostly) finishing my fall semester is Keep Houston Rich. Normally I'm not super political but I think that this is something really powerful, especially this particular number. I once met Ms. Farb at a prescreening of Matthew Barney's Drawing Restraint 13: The Instrument of Surrender at the MFAH in 2006. Later that summer, my mom acquired a used 80s treadmill from her former home (NOT the John Staub building featured here). When my mom went to pick it up, Carolyn went on forever about the imported Genovese mosaic on the bottom of her pool. This is another reason I want to be dangerously wealthy, pregnant or the totalitarian leader of an Islamic state, so that I can get away with being insane and extravagant.
I have a month left of winter break, so I'm sure that I can accomplish at least two of those aims. For now, I will attempt to find contentment in our humble SoMo Toho.