Friday, February 6, 2009

Mixology 101

To many, the pinnacle of 90’s beverageology was the creation of Crystal Pepsi. Yes, the infamous cola that featured the horrid taste of Pepsi in an exciting, crystal clear format. As excellent as Crystal Pepsi was, it pales in comparison to Cool Colt. “What was Cool Colt?” you ask. Why, it was Colt 45 with mint flavor.

In their ever continuing quest to make malt liquor taste even worse, the geniuses at the National Brewing Company decided their customers wanted to “experience a more contemporary taste in beer.” They believed the addition of mint would nicely accent the robust malt flavor, creating an “innovative and contemporary” drink for the homeless and other 40oz connoisseurs.

While its winter fresh flavor proved unpopular with Colt 45’s loyal customers in the ghetto, we are indebted to this short lived drink. For you see, Cool Colt is the minty, malty grandfather of Sparks and all other alcohol-infused energy drinks. So, the next time you’re with some 18 year old skank or twink who’s blitzed on Sparks, remember thank those men who were brave enough blaze the trail with such a flavor abomination.

1 comment:

  1. I actually really like Colt 45... actually I prefer King Cobra. But regardless, once you realize it's $1.59 for 40 ounces of a 7% alcoholic beverage that tastes basically the same as beer, i think the genius sinks in. also love the "things white people think black people will like" tag. although technically it should be "stuff" not things. Either way, it needs to be turned into its own blog.