Sunday, February 15, 2009

dating fail in the 'trose

So a guy ditched me on Valentines Day.

Through a text message.

Because he was "tired."

It was his suggestion to hang out Saturday in the first place. I guess homeboy freaked out when he realized it was V-Day and assumed I was expecting two dozen roses and a puppy.

Of course everyone advised against calling him to express my disgust. Personally, I think we should call out people's bullshit much more often. Ignoring unacceptable behavior is akin to faking an orgasm: it's a little bit dishonest and a lot bit counterproductive to getting pleased in the future.

Thus, I suggest we develop a memo pad for notifying people that their fuck-up will not go unnoticed. When someone fucks you over, you can fill out the misdeed or perhaps check a convenient box listing the appropriate category such as:

a. Flaked out
b. Forgot my birthday
c. Took a handful of klonopin and said he loved me on second "date."
d. Stole my car/ peed in my car while drunk
e. Refused to pay for half of my abortion
f. Pretended not to know me when I saw him out with his new boyfriend
g. Did not reciprocate sexual favor

Then there will be a separate section listing the result of the action. Potential options include:

a. Not talking to you EVER
b. Really I'm not talking to you, get the fuck out of my life.
c. Okay maybe we can hang out, but we're NOT having sex
d. Unless I'm drunk.
e. Call me?

Then you'll get the memo notarized, and it will go on on the person's permanent record, and then he/she will get arrested after x number of offenses or have to pay a fine not to exceed $400. These records will be made public via the wonders of teh internetz and/or a facebook application that only 17-year-olds add.

Wow I was mostly kidding but I think someone might have beaten me to the punch with this and this, items that pseudo hipsters probably buy at Urban Outfitters.


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  2. I had an overweight, unattractive and sad middle-aged man (who lives with his mother "on account of she's real old") attempt to accost me with his love at dinner, in front of my uncle, his wife, my cousin and friend.

    His opening line? "It's good to see white women around here. There are too many damn Mexicans." This is in front of the, in fact, Mexican owner of the Mexican restaurant we were patronizing for Valentine's Day.

    I told him my name was Lisa, he thought Wimberley was in Canada, and he tried to kiss me.