Monday, February 2, 2009

ew, sick!

I contacted the University of Guantanamontrose Health Department today, and together we regret to inform students and faculty that I, the Department Chair of Drama Llama Studies, have fallen ill. As a safety precaution, we ask that everyone gets a meningitis vaccine. (Or, as an equally effective alternative to the costly vaccine, students can add a package of Emergen-C to their vodka.)

I do not have meningitis nor have I been in contact with anyone with the disease. However, as a prestigious university we feel obligated to have at least one meningitis scare per semester.

I'm currently following in the footsteps of the heroic Tour Guide Ray and completely denying my illness. Tomorrow I will attend the much anticipated indie debauchery of Broken Social Scene in order to meet SHSGs and hipsters as research for my 2009 thesis, tentatively titled "Failing at Dating in the 'Strose."


  1. I think all sraight girls are destined for failure in the 'strose dating scene... with so many HGG's, SHSG's feel pressured to be hotter, better dressed, and more cultured. This pressure may cause them to act out towards the very women they desire.