Sunday, January 11, 2009

Grant proposal idea

As the Dean of Drama Llama Studies, I feel almost obligated to discuss the topic of babies. Babies cause a lot of drama. (See the terms 'baby drama' and 'baby mama drama.')

Recently I've begun writing a grant proposal to research why women are obsessed with natural births, even when it means intense pain and wrecking their vadges forever.

I got this wonderful thesis idea back when Steven and had free cable. I watched a fair amount of TLC's "A Baby Story" and "Bringing Home Baby" for initial research material. All of these preggers women insisted on natural births. In one such case, the lady's baby was upside down and had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck.

After what seemed like hours of persuading, she finally caved and agreed to a Caesarean section. But she wanted a vaginal birth after c-section!

The doc was already slicing her open, partially removing the behbeh, and she still wanted the thing to shoot out of her? I simply do not understand.

I would want that thing out of me stat, preferably days (or weeks? months?) before my due date. Maybe this is because as an unwed college twenty-something my top four fears are:

1. Walgreens running out of US Weekly (Had a nightmare about that last night: will post later!)
2. There not being any hot straight guys at Poison Girl
3. Pregnancy
4. Hipsters stealing my vodka

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