Saturday, January 3, 2009

Vest Night Theory Confirmed

8:31PM: Text from Hallie (Hali): "I'm wearing a vest bikini top though"
I am excited but warn hallie to be prepared for psycho and disastrous things to occur since she is not wearing the amulet of safety (bikini top)

10:14PM- the "bouncer from xoxo" (midtown streetwalker who kathleen MAY or may not have kissed on new year's) calls kathleen's phone for 28th time. I pick up and attempt to convince him that I am kathleen's mother and kathleen is underage, but he doesn't seem to care. I can't say for sure though because I couldn't understand anything he said except for "hold on mama," which could have been a nod to the fact that i was kathleen's mother, or perhaps was just street slang. So then I proceeded to go Lady Raptastic mixed with a little crazy cat lady ( on his ass:
"LOOK i got the police on the other line, they are tracing this call! I will call the CIA, the FBI, and they are gonna look up your IP address. And when you go on them weirdo websites they are gonna trace your computer and lock you up. They will find you, AND THEY WILL FIND YOU."

surprisingly this crazy ass called back! That convo ended with "stop calling, retard." which seemed to least for the past 12 hours.

11:00PM: mallory, peter, kath, and myself drive to cvs to pick up some ciwgawettes for the nicotine addicts (I should've bought y'all's addicted asses some nicoderm CQ patches cause i'm sick of sittin out in the goddamn cold every night). Everyone but pete acts like a total psycho, and I proceed to throw a bag of sour patch watermelon's at pete because i am convinced if we give them to the bartenders they will like us more.

11:15PM: We show up at the cellar and immediately put our plan into action. I sign me and kath up for miami by will smith and head to the bar. I explain to the bartendress, amber, that we have purchased these candies especially for her. she seems overjoyed. someone else take this opportunitiy to ask if we get a discount- we do. She gave us $5.50 tequila shots for $2.50. We all fall in love.

12:00AM: Tim suggests we take a body shot-- amber practically jumps over the bar to oblige. She's so excited that she gives us the shot for free. she points us in the direction of the AIR HOCKEY table, where tim lies down and i take the shot...all filmed by our amazing club historian--hallie.

12:30AM: Beth arrives. I take her to the bar, where amber, again, gives us the drink for free!

2:15AM: We are kicked out of the bar, as usual, and head over to chapultepec. I get out of the car and immediately open the door of an [apparently unlocked] old suburban-like vehicle. I grab the masking tape and kathleen and i immediately go to work. I have absolutely no idea how we both knew what to do, but we wrapped masking tape around the car about 4 times over. Then we head inside and eat queso and Don Juan plates.

3:45AM: I walk to tim's car, open the door, and get inside. While inside i notice a faint smell and realize no one else has entered the car. i am told i have shit on my hands. someone had put dog (i hope) shit on all the door handles of tim's car! we decided this must've been related to the masking tape incident, but believe it to be the work of a civilian vigilante as the masking tape had not been removed by the owners of the vehicle.

11:00AM: I wake up and bust out laughing (as I do pretty much every morning..seriously) and cannot believe the night's events. mostly the masking tape.

1 comment:

  1. Why yes, I would like to thank you for your contributions to the car fashion '09 scene.