Friday, January 2, 2009

How to Spot a Bachelor

1. He sleeps on a mattress without sheets for months.

2. Everything is covered in dog hair even though he doesn't own a dog.

3. He lives by a clock that either hasn't been reset from daylight savings time or is blinking 12:00.

4. He has at least two futons.

5. There's nothing in his shower other than a bar of soap and a magazine.

6. The only electronic device that works in the apartment is the TV.

7. His mattress sags in the middle, but he stopped noticing years ago.

7. A half empty can of Pabst on the coffee table doubles as an ashtray.

8. Artwork is attached to the wall with gum, safety pins, or a single tack. Frames are completely out of the question.

9. This 'artwork' consists of either a Nirvana poster or gifts from his ex girlfriends

10. He leaves his clean laundry in the 'clean' hamper and keeps a separate pile for dirty clothes. He picks from both caches when getting dressed in the morning afternoon.

11. He never puts toilet paper on the roll.

12. An empty case of Busch light and a bottle of expired mustard are the sole contents of the fridge.

13. There's a pair of pants with the boxers still in them and an open book in front of his toilet.

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