Thursday, January 1, 2009

2009: We're Getting into Big Bitch Territory

The first thing I did in 2009 was pee on a fence in front of 40 people. I do not know whose house it was at, nor do I even remember where it was, but I'm sure the party-goers will never forget me. I'm getting ahead of myself however... 
Back in 2008, I was still hungover at 11pm; so I decided to chug 3 glasses of wine at my parent's party. I immediately threw up afterwards and was pretty sure the night was ruined. Fortunately, the next party included solo cups full of tequila. Unfortunately, I threw up a bit more before finally re-entering into the kingdom of DRUNK. This was when the party really started for me.
I don't really remember much of the party, but I do remember being locked in a car with a dog for awhile. I do not really understand how that came about, but it did. The best part of the night was when Liza and I did a second countdown at 12:03. The second best part was after said countdown when I was telling a story and a stranger walked up and  said, "we're getting into big bitch territory?" I have no idea what this meant, but I'm assuming it was directed at me... I also remember popping a lot of bottles of champagne that were definitely not mine, maybe this was why?
After the party, we went back to S's and got even more drunk. We ended up in the hot tub, and then got a tip that not so big A was seen at Taco C. I immediately called him and made him come over. It was kind of awkward since I hadn't seen him since our original 3-some. It was also kind of awkward because I apparently was incapable of proper communication at that point and spent most of the time screaming "WOOOHOOOO!!!" into Jtoy's face. He brought some 17 year old that Jpatt referred to as the "Twink Slave." I tried to get them to have a four-some, but that was bust. Additionally, the "Twink Slave" kept yelling at Jtoy because earlier that night, chez Taco C, she evidently cut him off in the drive-thru. I honestly don't remember any of this, but supposedly I tried to moderate and just kept repeating, "Well, as for me, I see both sides." Someone tried to make queso at four in the morning, they miserably failed, then I blacked out and passed out.
I woke up in a bed with two people I didn't at first recognize. I still have the worst headache in the world. I really hope 2009 is classier than last night. I also hope I can eventually stomach the idea of food sometime soon.


  1. 1. get better
    2. send me some taco c.
    3. next time you want a foursome, avoid twink slaves.

  2. oh yeah, and u r an alcoholic.