Sunday, January 11, 2009

University of Guantanamontrose Department of Public Safety announcement

This is a reminder to both faculty and students that unless properly qualified in the fields of animal husbandry and training, dancing bears are not to be kept as pets. With the increased popularity of dancing bears as pets of the rich and famous, the desire to own one yourself is understandable. However, without the knowledge needed to correctly condition such an animal, the results can be disastrous. The university has already had one such accident, the New Years Eve mauling of guest lecturer Peter.

Visiting the university to provide a three part lecture on the subject of “Fail at life,” Peter was fortunate to have escaped with only minor abrasions and puncture wounds to his neck. He was recovered enough in a week to be prowling Prof. Rosenberg’s party for drunk, desperate women, but the next victim of a dancing bear attack may not be so lucky. We cannot reiterate this point enough; unless your are trained in the required areas of expertise, you should not have a dancing bear as a pet.

A graphic reminder of what can happen from an improperly trained dancing bear

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